how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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