The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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