I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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