btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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