She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
