sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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