yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
