Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
