I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
