3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
