Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
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Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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