The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
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Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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