It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I wear drunk well.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
