WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
