Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
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Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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