Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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