Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
