So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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