My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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