Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
