Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
