Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
