i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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