i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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