Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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