Don't you send me to vm
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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