I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
