I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
