ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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