I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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