Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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