it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
