you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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