shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
