when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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