It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
