Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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