Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
