i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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