I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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