hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
