i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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