You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
