I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?