Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
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YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.