Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Success! We fucked roommates!
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