My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.