Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?