can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".