im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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