He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
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As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling