Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i will never coherently bang her
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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