I wish life had little blips of pornography
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
