my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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