Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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