he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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