this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
