I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My liver just had a heart attack.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
