idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
