mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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