Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
