Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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