I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
