dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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