i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
