The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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