we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
