he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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