after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
