The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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