i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
