Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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